Unless you’re a native English speaker, you probably can’t write a decent pub review. I’ve heard all kinds of stories, but none have been more entertaining than this one. A Kiwi writer tries to describe English pubs as if they were alien bars from Star Wars, or university drinking dens. The result? He describes pubs as if they’re about to go on a binge-drinking spree, hurls beer glasses on the floor, and yells at the blackboard advertising specials.